Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
