I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
