my sisters under your porch take her home
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
