you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
