Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
