I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
