Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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