you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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