Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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