I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
MIDGETS
????
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
