oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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