Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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