haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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