I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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