How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
