i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
