i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
