worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
