Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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