This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
