Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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