i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
