If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
