last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you told grandpa to call you daddy
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
