My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
