saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
