how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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