I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
