i permit you to call me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
