I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
