i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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