Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
