The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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