Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
