Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
