We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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