i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
