hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
