walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
