i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
