Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
