hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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