Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
