How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
