Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
