well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
