im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
