so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
