I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
