At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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