WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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