I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When are your genitals available?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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