Buhtt sex?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
