This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I intend to get homeless drunk
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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