haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
