I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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