i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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