Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
