she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
