Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
