I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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