just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
