one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
