im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
