ugly people sure do ruin things
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
