his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
whose ass print is on the piano?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
