im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
