i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
last night I used snow as a chaser
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