NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize