I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
