I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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