do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
