I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
