just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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