Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
