so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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