Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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