false alarm. still invincible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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