Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
