I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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