i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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