i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
