I just saw a hot homeless man
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
