Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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