this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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